"So you will say no if Prince Williams asks you to marry him?" A friend asked me not that long ago and he was incredulous after I confirmed his 'suspicions'.
"I thought every girl's dream is to become a princess." He persisted.
"Not mine. I want to be free to be who I am. Plus... he is half bold." (No offence intentionally. However apparently fish oil helps with early male baldness)
Believe it or not, Cinderella was one of my favourite stories growing up. I have fantasised about a man as charming as a prince who would always come over to my rescue and save me from any miseries. But I cannot help but wonder, would Cinderella and the Prince really live happily ever after?
What if Cinderella idealises the prince and sees him as a saviour to escape from the cruel and harsh reality? Let's suppose that Cinderella sees the prince as her ultimate salvation, and he in turn colludes with her in order derives potency from her emotional dependency on him, can you imagine where this might lead to?
Not hard to see, a relationship that is built upon deception will not last. It points to a not so nice ending to the original fairytale. Cinderella 'evades' to form her own sense of identity whilst the prince unconsciously 'encourages' it for his own agenda, this replays a typical victim martyr situation. It reminds me of the blind leading the blind.
This maybe much exaggerated, the story may simply be about pure love and two people finding soulmate in each other. But the question is, if we seek for another person to complete us, will we really feel complete and for how long? Can we truly be happy if we let others to fix our problems? And is it possible for us to feel whole with someone if we are not already whole?
Just the other day, a revelation hit me. There is probably no knight in shining armour, and even if there is, he very likely needs saving himself. You can laugh, but for someone who prefers to dream and fantasise, I was thoroughly depressed by the realisation afterwards. Afraid to be stifled by the mundane and routine, I had always felt thinking practically or realistically suffocates too much of my creativity and imagination. I am used to dreaming about unlimited possibilities and all different adventures, but now I suddenly stand facing the confrontation and confinement of the basic reality. It feels like an arrow had come at lightening speed and shot me back down to earth so I can learn to be grounded. Whether it is wanting something to change or desiring something new, we must act or do to make that happen, rarely it will fall from the sky and drop onto our laps. After realising this, a sense of loss immediately came over me. Only it wasn't lost, it was transformed. We can not lose a part of ourself that we love. The optimism and hopeful spirit that I have always treasured are still there, but they have made room for the co-existence and integration of sensibleness and pragmatism.
We must not be afraid to aspire and aim for something big to realise our true potential. At the same time, we need to take achievable steps to attaining our dreams, otherwise, they become delusions, and remain as ... just dreams. The power to save ourselves only lies in ourselves.
Conversely a lot of the times, we also feel the urge to save the other people who are in trouble, especially the ones we love. We cannot bear to see them suffer so we want to put them in bubble wraps and protect them from all 'harm'. But giving someone what they need or telling someone what they want to hear is not conducive to their growth. And we must also question our motive, are we doing this for them or for ourselves? Do we desire to save someone so we can feel special or feel powerful or feel needed? Maybe we are the ones that need to be saved by the act of saving someone else?
Now I am getting tongue-tied, but I hope you have got my point. The intention to save or wanting to be saved may temporarily release us from pain, but the effects will not last in the long term. True, we cannot always get it right the first time. We try and we fail, then we try again. We learn through other people and become more aware of ourselves. We have the capacity to exceed our own expectations, so we need to have faith in our ability to overcoming any difficult times.
However, it is also good to remember that in this world we are not alone. I believe we can all find someone who unconditionally accepts us the way we are, but gives a gentle nudge when we lack momentum, allows us the patience and freedom to deal with our own issues, and most importantly, has greater faith and confidence in us than what we seem to at times have for ourselves. I am very fortunate to not have found just one but several.
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